Ahem!

Gather around children, i'm going to visit a pet peave of mine that you would most assuredly share if you were me. maybe you concur regardless of the fact that you aren't me ...it really doesn't matter.

First, speaking out loud to yourself on a consistent basis is unacceptable. and ANNOYING!

Second, when you are speaking out loud to yourself so loudly as to hear yourself over background noise ...it is just...i mean....*nervesgrating* ASININE!

Follow the leader

Why? One word, Because.


Accent: I’ve got one but no one is quite sure where it’s from …

Bra size: teen (ha!)

Chore I hate: dishes when they are piled into the sink and beyond…BRAD!

Dad's name: Donald

Essential make-up products: Huh? What is this, make…up…?

Favorite perfume: anything smelling like coconuts. I’m a bath and body spritz freak! (I love my chance by chanel too!)

Gold or silver?: Platinum

Hometown: OH….IO

Interesting fact: "How Now Brown Cow" still makes no sense

Job title: Sucker that sits in front of computer answering phones 8-10 hrs a day!

Kids: yeah right, I still consider myself one

Living arrangements: moving into a condo w/ one of my best friends! Whee!

Mom's Birthplace: Michigan!

Number of apples eaten in the last week: Mmm apples…zero!

Overnight hospital stays: thank goodness zero!

Phobia: being at this job another year!!!

Question you ask yourself a lot: why am I still at this job?!!!!!??????

Religious affiliation:I was baptised Catholic…go to church every once in a while…

Siblings: One brother

Time I wake up: most mornings 4:30am…sucks I know!

Unnatural hair color: after years of highlights, I grew it out and now it is light brown fo real!
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Cauliflower…unless there is so much cheese melted on it that I can’t taste the actual vegetable.

Worst habit: Picking! I pick at everything! If there is a mirror that magnifies my image...the picking will ensue for hours at a time (if undetected by my boyfriend)

X-rays?: Teeth (why does the dentist insist on these x-rays every 6 months? NOTHING has changed in 6 mos. I can guarantee that shit!

Yummy food I make: Yummy for whom? Haha Everyone loves my Oatmeal cookies. I feel I make a spectacular protein pancake…though I have some adversaries on that one!

Zodiac sign: Taurus! Stubborn to beat hell. (whatever that phrase means?)

Update

this is the coat to which i was referring to a while back...(i received from my hottest man for V-day!) i'm now capable of using the internet... wireless ... on my new laptop!!! GET excited!

I'm.Alive...I'm.Alive...I'm Alive. ...Dead!

This morning i almost died. (super dramatic)
I started this new cardio program last week. Actually it doesn't do justice to what I mean by "cardio" and "program." By "Cardio" I mean, body moving at velocity and intensity which should only come about if I am being chased by a vehicle moving at 50mph.
By "Program" I mean, different and twice daily cardio sessions reaping the same reward that a sledghammer would have if you beat your body with it.
Now then I'm sure you can't imagine such a state of torture so I will here and now detail for you this a.m.'s torture session. (mind you, all the torturous sessions are different)
Walk 3.5 setting on 0% incline for 5 minutes.
Walk 3.0 setting on 12% incline for 7 minutes.
Run 5.5 setting on 8% incline for 7 minutes.
Run 7.5 setting one minute 0% incline
Jump off do pop squats for 30 sec.
Run 7.5 setting one minute
Jump off do pop squats for 30 sec.
Run ....etc.
run/squats for duration 10 minutes!!!!

I consider myself in okay cardiovascular condition but after doing this, i'd say i'm in not okay cardiovascular condition. in fact i'd say i'm downright incompetent after my pathetic performance this morning and all last week.

Brad (my boyfriend) is all, "I could do it, it's not that hard." Right, as a freaking SPECTATOR it isn't hard at all is it? I am going to put his arse to the torture that I subject my arse to and we'll see what happens! He won't be able to walk for a week! He thinks he's sweet since he did two-a-days for football. Dude that was like 10 years ago! You can't carry that stamina through 10 years! (hi Brad! getting a good view of the tread from the tires on the bus?) haha

Remember! When in doubt, pinky out!

I'm going to sit on my ass, put my feet up and answer the phones for 8 hours now. Whoopee!

Miss Kitty!

I'm right here!!! Here!!!

I've just been kinda blah, you know, cause i live in OHIO! I did have a really FANCY valentines day! thanks for askin!

We had sushi!!! Mmm! And Seaweed salad!! AND Chocolate Volcano cake!(not at the sushi restaurant, don't worry!) It was all so fantastic! I must give props to the sushi place for making the most outstanding eel hand roll my taste buds have ever had the pleasure of experiencing!

My hottest boyfriend donned me this this wicked awesome coat that I've wanted for a month now, from Banana Republic! I'll host the picture once I get to my REAL 'puter! I love it!

I'm sorry for the cynical non valentine celebrators...i was once like that...i didn't have a sign. other either. One day, you will enjoy it...even when the candy isn't half off!

Floss Schmoss

Do you ever get something caught in your teeth and after all feasible options of trying to set it free (ie: water swishing, fingernail probing, tongue assaulting etc.) try to use a hair from your head to floss it out? Yeah, I'm asking YOU. If you said, "YES!" You will no doubt share in this phenomena. When your hair, instead of being an "organic, all natural" sort of floss, gets stuck in your teeth too! You are really S.O.L. at that point.

oh my!!! OH my!!!

HOW MUCH FUN IS THE COMMENTS SECTION NOW??? I love it! What about it do I love you might ask?!

Well first, the pictures! How cute are everyone's little photo i.d.?! Except Timmy...dude the techno color dots aren't doin you justice.

The choice of "other" instead of just anonymous and your user! I mean, I've often thought "other" would be a better description for me than anonymous! Wow! I mean it doesn't have that damning quality "anonymous" does.

There isn't much else to point out...

I hope you too will enjoy the comment section as much as Martin and I! (click on the wet noodle for the abysmal amount of comment section praise!)

Will You Marry Me? How About a Pickle?

I am not a snob per se. I mean, sometimes I admit I do have snob-like tendencies. What I'm about to say is somewhat snobbish however I think I can freely say that no self respecting woman would be satisfied in this instance!

The instance where you would receive your engagement ring purchased from Sam's Club!!!??? Those who have no Sam's Club, think Costco!

If you can pick up a 10 gallon bucket of pickles along with your engagement ring...that is a problem!

So all you men out there take heed! Sam's Club is on par with the gumball machine. If ever you decide to subject yourself to committing to some female for eternity, shopping at bulk foods places aren't suggested for your loved one's ring!

Does your mom eat sunchips, sunchips?

Welcome back SUNCHIPS! When I was in high school, I loved, loved, loved my Harvest Cheddar Sunchips. Then while in school in BFE (butt fucking egypt)those grocers apparently weren't capable of shipping more than one flavor of Sunchips. Regular! Blech!

So a couple weeks ago after not having thought of those glorious Sunchips in a very long time, in walks a bag. You know, not w/ it's own legs but parceled in with other groceries with my boyfriends roommate! SWEET! Harvest Cheddar Sunchips I've missed you!!!

They tasted just as great as I remembered! I even went out and bought a bag this week.

For those of you WN graduates of 1996, sing it with me, YOUR MOM EATS SUNCHIPS, SUNCHIPS!

Office Ass Ovoidance

I'm still here and somehow "here" is calling. That song by goo goo dolls has never made more sense to me. My head is out in an unknown universe. Desultory thoughts are bumping and grinding in my cranial region. Some work related, most not.

First of all, I need to find some sunshiny goodness in my daily dealings with the 8 hour stint I spend at a place we all call, work.
The rays of light are nary seen. (don't you love the word nary?) (sounds like hairy and THAT rocks!)
After 3 years, this old hat needs to move to a new head! (hee, hee, *thinkingwhatagreatmetaphorijustcreated*)

I'm tired, tired, tired, tired, tired of being a useless body in a chair situated in front of a computer. I want to free myself from office ass, free myself of phone answering, finger typing, clerical bull shit.

Any suggestions?

Nude Euchre...the next big card playing fad!

America has been overrun with the game of poker. What the hell is going on? Everyone is playing poker!? I'm astounded at the magnitude of popularity this game has suddenly gained! No offense Timmy but I think just like my pet rock, chia pet, light brite, and other people popular items, this too will go down in the history books as "one of those fads." (hopefully not for a while for your business's sake!)

I guess if I ever played poker, I could be better accredited to actually comment on the game. I have played it once, very poorly and not for money.

Let me detail for you this one and only incident of poker. It was a long time ago, before my legal drinking age had been acquired. I was 20 years old, a raging alcoholic college student and it was Saturday night. When my friends and I were at dueling ages, (some 20 years old, some 21) we had to split up in groups. We would all start out together at a party then those who had an awesome fake i.d. or a legitimate i.d. would head to the bars. The rest of us, we stayed behind.

So on a night such as this where half the party hit the scene, 8 of us were left with not much to do but play drinking games and get annihilated. This particular night it was suggested we play poker. Not just any poker though, strip poker!

It went something like...Great, first of all, who here knows how to play poker? Oh, only two of you? The only two males here, you know how to play poker and none of us girls do? Awesome! Let's get started! After an hour, probably less, both guys were FULLY clothed and all of us girls were in our bra and panties. Oh wait, I think my friend Brad had given up a shoe. So it finally came down to my friend Kerri who had to remove either her bra or her panties. That was not going to happen. Apparently we weren't inebriated enough. Regardless that is when the game ended and we happily turned the heat back down and put all our clothes on!

I'm sure like any game, if you are good at it, it is fun. I love, love, love Euchre! I hope this will be the next great fad! I should start the ball rolling now! Though Euchre isn't a nationally known game...just over here in the East. We could play it naked too to make it more interesting!

What does YOUR sb party invitation look like?

SPIZZLE BIZZLE DAY

What: A football game between the over confident Patriots and the over rated Eagles

Why: Supposedly the game was originated to decide the NFL champion, but since the retirement of Boomer Essiason from football, it has been the event to showcase amazing commercials and elderly pop-singers boobs

Where: Although the game is played somewhere we don't care about... it can be watched on a TV set at (residence in Ohio), also known as Miche's and Bratt's house

Who: All people are invited, Aaron however will be in Vegas, please pass all bets to him, prior to his departure on Thursday.

When: I don't know, but look and see what time the game starts and then e-mail, call, or just show up somewhere close to that time.

FAQs
What should you bring? Something to drink, and any snacks you might want to share w/ the group. We will have minuteman pizza cater the event as usual.

Can I invite my friends? Of course, invite one and all, we will have a great time and the more the merrier.

Will we be playing football at halftime? The answer is no... however naked snow-angels while we all laugh are always welcome.

I look forward to seeing you all there.

Peace, love, and a little chubb

Do you remember?

Polly Pocket?! I just remembered her while professing my love for my boyfriend and wanting to be a traveler in his pocket so I could never miss him! (Gay I know, shut up!)

So do you remember her? Timmy, you surely had one! She was hard plastic and I think she had removable parts? I'll google her to find out more! Yay, remembering the past is so cool! Too bad my brain is clogged with malted hops and bong resin...

Oh my goodness! Looky what I found! http://www.inthe80s.com/toys/p.shtml

Seriously do you remember Perfection? The only other game that could come close to giving us children a massive coronary thrombosis was Operation! I loved these games!!! They scared the shit out of me but it was so worthwhile!

I hate to get political but...

Per CNN:
"One of the chief domestic goals of Bush's second term is an overhaul of Social Security. In a news conference in January, the president said the program is in a state of crisis and will be bankrupt by the time a worker in his mid-20s retires.

(my favorite)
He recommends letting workers create private savings accounts as a solution to the problem. Under the president's plan, employees could set aside some of the money they contribute to Social Security into a private savings account.
The accounts would be regulated and would, according to the president, generate a higher rate of return than money contributed to Social Security."

Sure, great idea but um...what about the thousands and thousands of dollars I've already contributed to Social Security? Hmm? Also I've heard Bush is lying about the state of Social Security and that he will make a lot of money by overhauling it.

Since tax time is coming around, I look to see how much money the government has gang raped from my "hard earned" paychecks. This ellicits a red hot rage that cannot be controlled! Especially now since I am paying the government to fund a war that the country wants no part in. I sure as fuck want no part in funding this war! As well, it goes to you know paying for billion dollar inaugurations and what not. Sweet!

I scream, cry, and complain with each paycheck's tax pillage to which my father says, "You pay these taxes to live in a free country" I counter with, "it sure as fuck isn't free if I'm paying for it!" To which he says, "you are paying for a democracy." I won't get into the rest of the conversation because I know that NO ONE is happy to pay our corrupt federal, state, local, medicare and social security taxes.

I would also like to point out that if ever it were the case that instead of directly withdrawing the money for taxes from our paychecks, that every tax payer at the end of the year would have to write a check...there would be a tax revolution. I wouldn't write the check. I'd move to another country for a while. Fuck Em! I hate taxes!

I am not looking forward to listening to our idiot president's State of the Union address. What an ASS!

Old News

I saw a bumper sticker this morning that said something to the effect of "ban the french" There was a picture of the French flag with a slash through it. This American idiot made my morning commute a little more entertaining. As I envisioned myself getting out of my car and tap, tap, tapping on his window. I had a conversation I wanted to strike up with him/her.

Remember when Americans hated the French? There was that whole ordeal about the French not supporting us with the war etc. etc. Who cares?! To what end does it matter? Weren't there other countries equally as unsupportive? (yes!)

I don't support the war. I support our troops because I don't want them to die but I don't agree with the reason they are there. (Why the fuck are they there?) Should there be a bumper sticker made to ban me? Ban Dominique because she agrees with the French. There will be a picture of me smiling, holding the French flag with a nice red slash through it.

Freedom fries? I mean come the fuck on?! Let's change the name of our french fries because the word FRENCH is in it!

RETARDED!

Americans are so full of themselves! Oh, I am an American, everyone in every country should love me! (wait, everyone does love me!)(never mind)