Update on the Tomato thing from last time

I'm not red. Seems a bit of aloe gobbed on before bed transformed me into a beautiful bronzy color.

Thought you should know.

you say tomato, i say tomato, coincidence? i think NOT!

HOLY SHIT! Every hour the heat rises. Every hour a body part tingles with pain! I am such a dumb ass! There is a news flash eh? This a.m. to kill some time after working out i decided to go tanning. Oh sure i've been 5 times before and worn a scant spf 4 to ensure the brown not the burn. This works so you know.

Well this particular morning I was distracted. I took Brad into the tanning room with me for some QT before he went to work. yeah let your imaginations run wild, i don't mind. So i didn't bring the tanning lotion with me.

BAD idea! My ass is on fire, not with passion and love though! My face, oh tomato face! I feel it getting so hot every aching minute. I'm afraid to go to the mirror. Each visit to the bathroom is a redder face each time! Shitters!

titles are a dime a dozen who needs 'em?!

now that the weather is getting rather pleasant (a good 73 degrees today! wahoo!) people come from outside their dwellings to share with the world their once unknown presence.

These people need to crawl back under that rock and never come out again. I was better living my life not knowing they existed. Here are some of the observations i've had to witness as the crazies/mentally unstable are rearing their ugly heads!

1. picture a very small station wagon that looked like someone dragged it out of the dump. this vehicle was moving down the road containing 5 similarly small people who were most likely from the same dump. the speed limit is 35 on this rather busy straight forward road. the dumpy car probably has a weed trimmer for an engine so apparently it could not attain the listed legal mph. So apparently it was able to travel a solid 10 mph. i am NOT exaggerating. you can't imagine what this does to my patience. But! being the wicked awesome driver that i am! i chose the old "turn the blinker on acting like i'm going to turn using the turn lane and then flooring it to get ahead of them" trick. works everytime! Fuckers!

2. our office is located on a really busy street. busy with pedestrian and vehicle traffic. most times the pedestrians are the most entertaining and it just so happens this is one of those times! So I'm staring longingly out the window as it is always more pleasant out there than in here. I see this strange woman (they're all strange around here) walking down the street toward our office. She caught my eye with the chiq colors and obviously popular choice of hair cuts. As I peered at her for a bit, I noticed she was a he. Yeah, a Maleshe/HeShe! Sh(HE) had a mowhawk as the hairdo of choice, which is pretty hot if you ask me! Anyways The Mowhawk (funny looking word huh?) person had on what appeared to be a Pippy Longstocking outfit. You remember her? Pippy! The stockings which were like neon pink, yellow and blue colored stripeds going horizontally went all the way up. SheHe had on a top of the same neon fabric action too. Dude it looked like sheHE fell off some sort of Disney's demented funkadelic train. Where do you find outfits like that?! Apparently around HERE!? ShHe didn't do anything amazing besides strut down the street giving us all sHE had in stage presence. I applaud His(er) efforts. Bravo crazy pippy man-lady! Bravo!

that is all for now. i'll update daily as i see fit. Mind you it will be cooling down again! fucking spring my ass! anyway bear with me as the cold will assuredly hit again and i'll be missing out on some of the popular street-tainment!

Ahem!
Those of you who are dating me, all...ONE of you! ha ha
I'm sorry!
I've got cramps, gas and a propensity to cry for no known reason for an inordinate length of time causing my eyelids to swell twice their size.
Good news!
The cramps can be relieved with ibuprofen.
The gas has the affect of an elephant running full force at your head...get a safe 1,000 miles away!
The eyes...eyeliner can work some major magic.

I'm sorry Mister. I suck this week!

Peter Pan SUCKS!

Have you ever experienced something so outrageously awesome that you had to share the knowledge of its very existance and spectacularity* with the world?


No??


That is because you've not had this! Please dear lord, if you know what is good for your taste buds, you will get some of this or this or this**! I swear it to you, you will not be disappointed! You too will want to shout from the rooftops, "I can't believe it's PEANUT BUTTER!"

Well then again, maybe that is just me...


*know what? i don't care if this is a word or NOT martin!
**checking to see if you are still a clickin!

if you can download this...DO IT!

Sprite meets Walmart


AND


definitely go here if that wet your appetite so much that you want more!

I got your back!

Ah look! i'm posting again!

Since it is Wednesday, I have a little more free time!*

It is lovely here in Ohio, rainy, cold and no freaking sign of spring. Can you feel me on this? Oh wait, most of you live in the oh so warm WEST! Well Timmy can surely feel my pain!

Anyway there is all this writing about being funny and wonderful and stuff. I feel that tension kind of too. Mostly I started my blog because I wanted to write. Alas I fall into the category of feeling inadequate about what I write... Then I'm like, well this really isn't a popularity contest. So piss on it. I'm wild, weird and I write when I write and comment when I comment. It's all good, right?

So PK, I feel you but no matter what or how you write, it is all good!

In any event, I thought I'd write a little story for ya'll. Why? Because your patience deserves it! ; )

I'm a small person but I talk a big game. If I've been drinking, I tend to become superwoman. I can lift, throw, yell, fight! You name it!

In my youth, haha (while attending college anyway) drinking was obviously an integral part of my nightly adventures. This particular summer night my friends and I were at a party in some po dunk town which was near a small lake. We hit up this bar that was on the lake and it was pretty rugged. I am talking, ram shackle, log style, depot looking joint. At least the alcohol was cheap! It did have a pretty fancy deck on the back fortunately. This allowed us to take in the lakes beauty (spanning about 3 feet in diameter) and the docks with boats stationed there. The docks had spot lights on them, keep that in mind.

On one particular boat there was some partying going on. So the 10 of us park our asses on the fancy railing of the fancy deck and act as spectators to this hillbilly party on the boat! There was one girl and two good ol boys. The "good ol boys" were typical with their John Deere hats, their bellies pushing their pants down, and unkept hair and beards. Think John Goodman, on a bad day.

You can then imagine what Miss Thing looked like! She was typical 80's flashback with bleach blond stringy dead ass hair with Heather Lockhart's roots. Her body was NOT banging (well maybe her fat was banging the side of the boat w/ each passing wake?). She was first wearing a t-shirt with the loved and not lost rolled up short sleeves for a pack of cigarettes perhaps? And jeans that did not fit. These jeans quite unflatteringly declared her ass went from her neck to the back of her knees. (damn i am HARSH!) haha

What happened next made the spectacle even more entertaining! She started making out with both the guys, like HARD CORE. They are sort of going at it and we are squealing with delight. Our group was comprised of mostly men and like 3 women. I was dying laughing and we were all doing the elbow punching to one another. The three-some was so engrossed with one another that they didn't seem to mind the 10 of us cackling and yelling 5 feet from them. That was until she took her shirt off! (her bra was left intact)

She proceeded to prance around the boat like she was Queen Elizabeth. Apparently this show was for US! In complete disgust at the oversized stomach dwarfing any known tits she was trying to captivate us with, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "EW! Put your fucking shirt back on! No one wants to see that shit!" Laughter erupted from the group. *smilingsheepishly*

She yelled back, "what?!" Unfortunately I did not shut up and at this point she was trying to pull her sorry ass out of the boat and onto the dock. I said, "You fucking heard me, put your shirt back on!" We are all still laughing our asses off. She comes charging our way and who do you think is the first and only pussy out of her seat?! ME! I took off running the other way! No one else moved! How pathetic is that?!

She came up and in a drunken stupor asked, "who said that?!" (Sort of obvious who said it when the only one running away is me!) My friend Michelle was like, "who gives a fuck, put your shirt back on!" The 80's lady wasn't having any of this and tried to pull herself up the deck's side and was failing miserably. She kept falling away and finally her two manly men grabbed her kicking and screaming as she yelled explicatives our way.

It was pretty funny since that is the closest I've come to a fight. I felt better knowing everyone had my back...but me! Like I said, I talk a big game...






*(a little more free time) My ass! you all know better! I got ALL the free time!

Posting Party Pooper!

Dudes! So sorry i've Nique-glected you! (i made that up, props to me can be sent via comments, thanks in advance)

I've not really been busy per se. Just without much motivation to deal with the various stages of pms blogger goes through. I mean even getting to this screen creates such impatience that my blood vessels swell to the their limits.

So instead, I comment. I feel good about commenting. it validates you. it keeps me in the circle. Most importantly i can feed off your wittiness thus creating a false sense of actually having a sense of humor. We all win kids.

Just wanted to let you know that yes I am capable of posting. ; ) It's wicked nice of you to keep checking up on me.

turning japanese?

dude when is the last time you heard the song...turning japanese, i think i'm turning japanese, i think i'm turning japanese i really think so.

it was on the xm radio just now. unfortunately. why? because the damn song is stuck in my head!!!!! SUCK!

I feel pretty! & You'll feel fat! (sorry!)

Dudes! I'm so Miss Molly Homemaker when I go on my diets. I feel like if I can't eat bad, everyone else SHOULD! The recipients of my creative baking are always family and friends. At first they really appreciate it but after a while I think their eyes glaze over from sugar comas. I then have to seek out other grateful parties.

Last night after searching for some kind of recipe with which to experiment, I decided on Pudding Cookies! The recipe is actually from the Wannabe Chefs (found:http://wannabechef.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_wannabechef_archive.html) Sorry about not linking it...

I made chocolate pudding cookies with both peanut butter and milk chocolate chips and this is who i gave them to:
My boyfriends roommate
My office mates
My boyfriend's neighbor and finally
My boyfriend's young work companion (his name is Phil! Don't you love that name?!)

I've heard nothing but rave reviews from the outcome of this recipe! I must say they were very easy to make!

I'm spreading all sorts of joy through this little world of mine! I have to say I feel vulnerable when I can't taste what I make. I don't know if what I created is tasty enough for others tastebuds. I get self concious when I make something and it isn't OUTSTANDING! I find it is beneficial to provide myself with some confidence before giving the baked goods away. Usually by eating half of what i made! :)

We have bananas that are ripe for bread too! I made banana bread last weekend so I need an alternate recipe for something...any suggestions???

CORNFUSED YET?!

BE Afraid!! Don't look at the below postings..."technologically incapable" just threw up all over my blog! For the world to see!

I hate for you to see me like this. I feel so ... vulnerable!

haha i'm a dummy

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

i think i just fucked it up! ha ha ha! Aww! here we go...i'll not delete that post this time! jeez!

wanna comment don't ya! wanna remember your comment by the time you are able to comment don't ya! here ya go!

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

who needs a title? i didn't write a book or anything!

When I set forth on a personal journey I'm pretty strict as to what I'm doing. I carry out my goal to the extent i decided in the beginning it should be carried out.
what did i just say?

Well the short version is simply this, i do what i say i'm going to do because i'm a damn freak who has major control issues especially on myself.

So I've been on one of my strict dietary regimens and... along comes Aunt Flo. I've come to realize that Aunt Flo is a damn whore. She tries to ruin everything! Self Esteem!? Who wants any part of that? Men? Oh no, stay away! The one and only thing Aunt Flo can't do without is chocolate. Which brings me to my point. I found this http://www.pureimaginationchocolatier.com (not because i was looking for it...well, yes, i was!) and it is all i can do but bust through the screen to enjoy them.

I haven't and won't do anything rash. However, you will no doubt see it's just so difficult!

Pressure! Pushin down on me...*

To Haloscan or not to Haloscan

Everyone ELSE is doing it!

I'm old fashioned. I LIKE the new and slightly improved (when it works) blogger commenting...if i change now, who knows what other fun upgrades they'll make!? I want to know! You will want to know.





*another devastating stab at lyrics i'm sure to have gotten incorrect! i suck! (brad doesn't mind though)

i composed a daringly clear and concise detail regarding my displeasure of bloggers decision to be a whore yesterday.
alas it was yesterday that i tried to publish it and well, you know the story of yesterday.
so there is no point in reviewing the events leading to my annoyance.
there is only today and beyond. AND today is FRIDAY!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Testing

A ONE, TWO

P.S.

Remember how i was oh so happy to get my lap top? Fixated on toting it around and blogging whenever I wanted? More importantly was wherever I wanted.

Well i was slapped briskly into reality when visiting my local starbucks...whereupon I discovered, wifi is NOT free?! WTF?! Why not!?!

Becoming filled with rage, i queried to myself, isn't wifi an element of service to the customer? A tool, if you will, to bring customers to your establishment? I now have to pay for this tool? Ridiculous! Ludicrous! Preposterous!

I imagine I will have to start paying a small fee for the baristas to grind my coffee before brewing? i will have to start paying for the half and half I leisurely add to my coffee? For the Splenda of which I steal a handful with each visit?

It isn't enough I spend $1.80 for a cup of coffee? I now have to pay for a service which brings me to the Starbucks as well? Well FUCK YOU Starbucks*! Caribou Coffee? Fuck YOU too!

I'm headed to Stauf's and the local coffee joints to log in to the net for FREE!!!! I will enjoy my coffee and surf the net while spending ONLY $1.80! Take That!




*I'm sorry I do still love you! I can't help it! You put crack in your coffee!

Because I don't want to suck BIG time!

I love James (the group, not the kid w/ the giant peach) and for two days in a row, their song "Say Something" has graced my ear drums' fancy! I love this song and I feel so fortunate to be hearing it again!

I used to have the cd until it was STOLEN! These things happen when you let upteen people borrow cd's in college. Whoa is me.

Now then, I only suck medium time! so there!

It's Going to Become an Epidemic!

(please click the Tim's Blog button for your reference to the origin of the madness!)

Now, here are the rules for this Blog-a-thon. I'll offer to interview the next three (or so) people to respond to this post that will follow these rules:

1. Leave me (Dominique) a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions here. They will be different questions than the ones below.
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


I’d first like to say that these are thought provoking questions. I have enjoyed pondering my response. Now on with the show!

1. You get to relive one day of your life. You can’t change anything about it, you just get to relive it for memory’s sake. What day are you reliving?

I don’t think it would be any particular day but I’d like to relive a day in my life when I was 5 years old. I think it would be awesome to be 5 years old again! I had such a great childhood that any day in my youth would be awesome to relive. I miss being lil Miss Dominique with not a care in the world, catching lightning bugs in the summer nights, playing tv tag with all the neighbors, running around barefoot, and riding my big wheel. Those were the days!

2. Do you think exercise machines enjoy beating you up?

Exercise machines laugh at the maliciousness with which they beat my body. The funny thing is that I am the willing party to their severe and unending torture!

3. For the next 4 years you will be given a $50K/year stipend so you don’t have to work. What are you going to do with all your free time?

A dream come true Timmy, a dream come true. I will take Brad to Europe to travel and fluff off for 2 years. Enjoying our opportunity to Spend time in all of these places, learning about the culture and experiencing them not just as a vacation. After 2 years in Europe, I would like to travel outside to other countries as well (we could determine those destinations as we see fit) for the third year’s venture. The last year I would concentrate on compiling all that I’ve gained from my travels, photos, journals etc. and write a book making millions so I will never have to work again in my life except to raise my family and service my husband.

4. The winner gets the car of their dreams. You and Brad have 6 months to prepare. The winner is whoever is in better shape. Who gets the car?

6 months is a long time … it is a toss up. If there is any competitive force behind a goal then both Brad and I are seriously dedicated. I would win though. I am a woman and we all know that women are always the winners!

5. One of the classic signs that someone is about to commit suicide is that they give away their most valued possessions, if you were going to kill yourself, what would you give away and to whom?*

My most valued possessions are the pictures, notes and journals I’ve collected/written through the years, detailing all of my experiences and my life. I think it would be the most cruel thing in the world to bestow this sort of fossilization of myself to someone I loved before I killed myself…however it would be all the wonderful memories chronicling my life…I’d give these things to my best friend Amy. (sorry, someone’s got to have it and I know in time she’d appreciate it.)

*indicates I ran out and stole the question from Branshine

Happy March ONE everybody!

It is March 1st. Wow! I canNOT believe it! Especially since there is a mother fucking snowstorm attacking our city! Swirly white snow is wrapping around my once warm environment! It is like 10 degrees! TEN! The wind is so blistery that without gloves, your hands will become fossils in ice! I've got the space heater going full blast and my toes are toasty but my nose and fingers are freezing!

Spring, Spring, where are you? I NEED you! Rain and warmth is better than this shit! Yes, Californians IT IS!!!